Congratulations on being the least crap

I’ve never had to deal with the world of online dating. Which is why, from my outsider viewpoint, the whole thing looks bewildering. I just don't get it. Maybe it's my age. 

For a start it appears to operate on a very curious business model - the main aim of a dating service is to lose you as a customer. But, despite this, business is flourishing.  

Research by dating platform e-harmony and the Imperial College Business School found that between 2015 and 2019 around a third (32%) of new relationships began in cyberspace. Just a decade earlier (2005 to 2014) it was 19%. The researchers therefore concluded that by 2035, the UK may well reach the point where more relationships will begin online than in older, more traditional ways. 

Tinder, the world’s most downloaded dating app, hit three billion swipes in a single day during March 2020 and has broken that record hundreds of times since. There are a lot of people out there looking for love. 

But are you really going to find your soul mate by looking online? Dating apps are not without controversy. A 2020 Pew Research Center study reported that 57% of women aged 18 to 34 had received sexually explicit messages or images they hadn’t asked for, and 19% had received threats of physical harm. An earlier PRC study from 2017 suggested that 36% of online dating site users found their interactions ‘either extremely or very upsetting’. It seems that dating apps have adopted the same bad habits as other forms of social media – they have introduced judgemental ranking and rating, reduced people’s empathy, and empowered bad behaviour and bullying. 

Then there’s the issue of data mining. 

In 2017 British journalist Judith Duportail asked the owners of the Tinder app to supply her with a copy of all the data they had recorded about her. She’d had an account for just four years and assumed that there wouldn’t be that much. She was therefore somewhat shocked when they supplied her with 800 pages of data. ‘As I flicked through page after page of my data I felt guilty,’ she wrote in an article for The Guardian. ‘I was amazed by how much information I was voluntarily disclosing: from locations, interests and jobs, to pictures, music tastes and what I liked to eat.’ It turns out that the app stores all user messages, user locations and times, the characteristics of other users who interest you, and even the length of time users spend looking at particular pictures. 

Duportail concluded her article with these rather bleak words: ‘Tinder is often compared to a bar full of singles, but it’s more like a bar full of single people chosen for me while studying my behaviour, reading my diary and with new people constantly selected based on my live reactions.’ 

And that’s just one dating app. 

There’s also the potential for sabotage. In 2015, the Ashley Madison dating site – advertised as a secure service for arranging extramarital affairs – was hacked and more than 60 gigabytes of company data, including user details, was leaked. Awkward. And expensive. In July 2017, the company agreed to settle two dozen lawsuits stemming from the breach. It cost them $11.2 million.  

I was prompted to look into this subject after listening to the experiences of friends who use dating apps. It's been a real eye-opener for me although I've had to get my head around a whole new vocabulary involving catfishing, caking, ghosting (see here) etc. In particular a number of my female friends have said that, despite the problems, it's made them feel safer than dating the 'old fashioned way' and having to deal with potentially predatory men in the flesh. Arranging to meet a date beforehand makes them less likely to be bothered by other men on a night out. So that's a good thing.

I guess the answer is to understand what you're letting yourself in for and to not give away too much sensitive data.

And there have been some funny revelations too - especially when friends have shared bad examples of some of the terrible pick-up lines and dodgy profiles they've seen.  

These are all 100% genuine and real: 

'My main passions are music, film & curtains.'

'I'm not interested in playing mind games or marriage.' 

'Not being rude, but I like a lady with a bit of meat on her.' 

'Even though I have 3 females living with me the conversation isn't that inteligent (sic) ... So I'm looking for someone I can have one simple conversation with without having to repeat myself 3 or more times...'

'I am shy at first but a nutter when I get going.’ (This was a doctor) 

And my personal favourite ... 

'Has it come to this …’ 

Start queuing ladies - your Prince has come!

But have you seen worse?