One night in Edinburgh ...

I've been to the Edinburgh Festival and Fringe quite a few times and it's always a treat. It's come in for some criticism in recent years for over-commercialisation and outrageous hiking up of accommodation costs and venue hire, but there's still nothing quite like it. It's chaotic, diverse and endlessly entertaining.

I've seen so many great comedy sets - by the famous and by people just starting out. I've seen jugglers, puppeteers, short plays and even an all nude stand-up show where the audience were similarly naked. And I've met a lot of fantastic talented people. But there was always a little part of me - an unticked box on my bucket list - that wanted to perform at Edinburgh.

Well, in 2014, I got the chance. 

QI was invited to put on some live versions of the Radio 4 show The Museum of Curiosity. At the same time, our boss - the legendary John Lloyd - was asked to co-host a live event consisting of short 10 minute sets by up-and-coming comedians. After each performance he and Dan Schreiber, host of the No Such Thing As A Fish podcast, would then interview the performers involved. 

John Lloyd's Curious Comedy featured Alex Edelman (who won Best Newcomer at the Fringe that year), Eric Lampeart (who later hosted TV shows and appeared in Hollywood movies), the extraordinary Hannah Gadsby (who has gone on to win so many comedy awards and star in two Netflix specials) and ... me. 

Yes, me.

It wasn't quite Andy Warhol's promised '15 minutes of fame' but John trusted me to deliver 10 minutes of comedy in front of a large Edinburgh audience and I went for it.  

I'm quite used to delivering humorous talks. In the past I've written shows about everything from how badly the human body is designed to why aliens don't visit us, and much more besides. I therefore stuck with what I know and based my set on interesting, funny facts and the idea that I'd mistaken John asking me 'What can you do in eight minutes?' for a request to do some research.

Here are some of the gems I delivered to the audience (figures correct in 2014): 

'In eight minutes Sir Robert Liston could have done 16 amputations. At the height of his powers in the 1830s and 40s he could amputate a leg in 30 seconds. This was a time when speed was essential to reduce pain because there were no anaesthetics. Speed also improved the patients' odds of survival as there was little infection control. However, speed can affect accuracy. He once accidentally castrated a man at the same time as amputating his leg. And, in his most famous case, he amputated a leg, the fingers of his assistant and the coat tails of an eminent doctor who was observing the operation. The patient and assistant both later died of gangrene and the observer died of fright believing he’d been stabbed. It’s the only operation in history with one patient and a 300% mortality rate.'

'In eight minutes IKEA will serve 30,440 meatballs, McDonalds will serve 32,000 burgers, and Peruvians will eat 913 Guinea pigs.'

'The Earth rotates at 1040mph so, in eight minutes, we’ve all travelled 138 miles. The Earth also goes around the Sun at 66,600mph, so that’s a further 8,880 miles we've travelled. The Milky Way galaxy rotates at 515,000mph so our solar system has also moved 68,6666 miles within it. All of which means that during this eight minute talk, we've all travelled a total of 77,684 miles at an average speed of 161.8mps. So, using the HMRC’s tax rate of 45p per mile for business travel, I reckon I’m owed: £34,957.80 in petrol money for tonight’s gig. I’ll let you off the 80p, John.'

The audience laughed in the right places and seemed to enjoy it.

So did the BBC.

So I ticked that one off my bucket list.

That said, I have now amassed enough original content for a full stand-up show.

So who knows? One day I just might.

Meanwhile, now that Covid restrictions have passed, I'm going back out on tour with my new humorous science talk, Do we need a new Witchcraft?

First performance is tonight in Brighton! (link here)

Exciting!